Today’s 20: Science, Ashley Dupre, Sex in Space
Today’s Odd News Stories
- Dental assistant sues call girl, Ashley Dupre. (NY Daily News)
- Life Imitating Freddy Got Fingered: Jet Powered Wheelchairs. (I Can’t See You)
- Ah, the relationship between father and daughter is alive and well, and cheats at the kid’s tennis match. (Daily Mail)
- Dr. Evil’s favorite way of clearing up those face wrinkles: Frikkin’ Lasers. (Eurekalert)
- Dwarf Burglars, its the only choice they have. (Telegraph)
Today’s Lists
- The Top 10 Characters and Storylines Wanted for Hellboy 3. (If Magazine)
- 20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants. (Cracked)
- 8 Badass Sci-Fi Predictions That Came True in Lame Ass Ways. (Cracked)
- 25 Villainous casting suggestions for new Dark Knight films. (Den of Geek)
- 100 Things to do during a money free weekend. (The Simple Dollar)
Today’s Sex News
- Rugby and Porn, they just go together. (Asylum)
- Sex in space. I think I watched that movie once. (Live Science)
- Teenage Sex Cures Cancer…. for Tasmanian Devils… So you gotta make a choice, have cancer, or have sex with a teenage tasmanian devil, the choice is yours. (News.com)
- Hospital patient has a buncha crazy sex with his nurse and they lived happily ev… He’s suing her? (Metro News)
- Yeah… that’s it… I was just going to Greasy Eddie’s Tassle Tavern to enjoy some “Preformance Art.” (AP.org)
Today’s Science News
- Physicists discover new particle: Bottomonium. Nothing to do with J-Lo. (Physorg)
- There are more creatures created in Spore, than there are in real life. (Google)
- HIV cured… ish… when they get an HIV and AIDS cure, you’ll have to walk around the people humping in the streets. (Science Blog)
- Extinct prehistoric insects found in amber. Sam Neill was last seen sighing and saying “Not Again.” (Yahoo)
- Queen’s Guitarist Publishes Astrophysics Thesis. (Live Science)
A.C. Slater Fact #15
Slater always kept a clean shaven face because hair doesn’t grow on granite.
Today’s 20: Roboturbation, Screech, Angry Strippers
Today’s Odd News Stories
- Sleepy off-duty cop crashes his car into two other cars. At least a cop was on the scene rather quickly. (Click Here)
- Yeesh, can’t a murder suspect get arrested when he wants to be anymore? (Click Here)
- Stoves, dinnerware, pillows and other items meant for Katrina victims get sent to casinos instead. (Click Here)
- Stripper slaps man, man sues for $400,000. (Click Here)
- 17-Year old male gets a robotic arm & hand. We all know how that guy’s gonna be spending his week. (Click Here)
Today’s Videos
- You mess with the bull, you get the… headbutt? (Click Here)
- Woohoo! Drunk History strikes again. (Click Here)
- Worst Karaoke Ever. (Click Here)
- Wrestler wants a chair. Gets it. (Click Here)
- Star Wars meets Rush Hour. (Click Here)
Today’s Entertainment/Celeb News/Gossip
- Miley Cyrus vows to stay a virgin until she gets married. Or at least until Disney says its ok. (Click Here)
- George Clooney says he gets dumped too often. Aw… boohoo… where’d I put my violin? (Click Here)
- Seth McFarlane and Amanda Bynes are an item. What do they do on dates? Seth tells Amanda what the world was like 12 years before she was born. (Click Here)
- Not only is Lynne Spears a perfect role model to her daughters Britney and Jamie Lynn, but she’s good at keeping her vehicular manslaughter record underwraps. (Click Here)
- Child star turned t-shirt vendor turned porn star turned reality TV star turned author. Its the rapture of Dustin “Screech” Diamond. (Click Here)
Today’s Pics
- For a bunch of pics of this guy’s cockpit, they are pretty cool. (Click Here)
- Bambi 2: There Will Be Blood (Click Here)
- You know that Google Street View thing. Yeah, they got busted. (Click Here)
- Cool pics of that rock that we call Mars. (Click Here)
- Golf (apparently) is all about perspective…. or bad timing… or both… (Click Here)
Great Eight XXXI: Eight Movies Paul Walker Will Make In His “Career”
If you were ever unfortunate enough to watch 2 Fast 2 Furious you’ll easily understand that Paul Walker’s method of acting is very simple, he doesn’t act, or he can’t, one or the other. He says bro or brah or breh a lot. Which he does in real life, bro. That scene where he and Tyrese were writhing around on top of each other in the dirt, Paul Walker calls that Thursday. The fact that he always seems to have that dumb founded look on his face. Not acting. His brain isn’t powerful enough to turn is head and control any of his 3 facial emotions at the same time. Not to mention, one of his first “acting” jobs was on a TV show called “Throb.” If thats not a gay porn title, I dunno what is. Anyway… it’s the Great Eight, Brah.
1. The Fast and The Furious XII: Glendale Drift ~ Going back to his home town that spawned such stand out celebrities like Captain Beefheart, The Good Charlotte brothers, and….. I’m sure there were others, or not. Paul Walker will venture to his childhood home where he’ll spot the big wheel he used to ride as a kid. A flickering candle will go off in his head and he’ll get the idea of putting nos in it and… well the movie ends with Vin Diesel wrecking his big wheel, Tyrese Gibson and Paul Walker having a scratching contest on the ground with no pants on and Michelle Rodriguez still being more butch than the three of them combined.
2. Bros of Our Fathers ~ Also known as “Uncles” this film showcases what happened after the Battle of Iwo Jima. Paul Walker’s character and his uncle have a long chat about what happened that faithful day when they went camping together, and when his uncle styled Paul’s hair like Paul was in a boy band and how Paul never changed the hairstyle. After some knee rubbing and a gentle caress of his cheek it won’t be an American flag that his uncle will be raising. If ya know what I mean *wink* (I of course am talking about raising a stick to roast marshmallows with for smores. I don’t know what you’re thinking.)
3. Bro, Where’s My Car? ~ After Seann William Scott decides he’s too good to be in a sequel, Paul Walker will take over his role. This will lead to great dialog between Walker and Ashton Kutcher. Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Breh!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude! What does mine say?” Walker: “Brah! What does mine say, bro?” Kutcher: “Dude!” And then they’ll look for Paul Walker’s car which they can’t seem to find. Pssst, hey, Paul, you gave it to Vin Diesel, remember?
4. Varsity Brahs ~ This movie is the sequel to “Varsity Blues.” The gang is now in college, all in the same frat, Alpha Brho Bromega. They decide to start their very own football league within their Frat. They have just enough members to form one team, they win every game by forfeit due to the opposing team not showing up. The after every game Paul Walker and James Van Der Beek celebrate when James gives Paul a little bit of his Van Der Beek, if ya know what I’m sayin’. (Again I’m talking about smores.)
5. Into The Bro ~ In this movie, Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, and Paul Walker’s conjoined twin Scott Caan swim to the bottom of the ocean (Walker’s a good swimmer considering Scott Caan is attached to his head (and penis (In fact, Scott Caan may be his penis))). At the bottom of the ocean they find the sunken ship of Pirate Warlord Cap’n Rootbeer. In it is a chest of gold, worth millions. Then a shark comes along and eats everyone. Maybe they should rewrite the script.
6. Eight Below 2: Electric Bro-galoo ~ Long story short: Paul Walker, 8 dogs, cold dance floor, some blow, an a lotta love making, know what I mean? (Smores)
7. In This Movie I Go Back In Time In A Tricked Out Import With A Bunch Of Dogs, Bro ~ It’s pretty self explanatory. Buuuuuut… Its directed by M. Night Shaaa… M. Night Shizzlelizzle… M. Night Samwisegamgee… um… M. Night Shouldacouldawoulda… M. Ni.. Its by the guy who did Signs… so expect a twist at the end.
8. The Fast and the Furious LXXIX: The Modded Rascal Scooter Race of Death ~ By this time Vin Diesel, Tyrese, and Paul Walker will be old bros in a retirement home, bro. Paul Walker will be like “Bro, we should race our scooters, Breh” Vin Diesel will respond with “Huh?” and Tyrese will die. Well, Tyrese died a while ago but the care workers haven’t noticed. Instead of betting ‘Pinks’ they bet their hourly doses of pepto bismol, which happen to be pink. They drift around Jebidiah and Corneilius playing checkers (they don’t remember how to play) then they both nearly lose control as they run over Michelle Rodriguez’s saggy man-boobs, Paul Walker dies (last words: “Bro”) and Vin Diesel wreck his scooter and breaks both hips. The End.
Today’s 20: Obama Dunks, Pat & Vanna, Jonas Brothers
Today’s Odd News Stories
- A hearing impared woman forced to use the drive through intercom sues McDonalds. What? (Chicago Tribune)
- Want to Follow the presidential race in style? You need a pair of Obama Dunks for your feet. (Rep Codes)
- Too many people get injured by foul balls at Major and Minor league games. They forgot the ancient art of getting the hell outta the way. (WSJ.com)
- A french stewardess wins a trip to space after finding winning number on a candy bar wrapper. Willy Wonka unimpressed. (Yahoo)
- Dude who created N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys to pay victims $300M. Technically, we’re all victims. (AP.org)
Today’s Videos
- Egg Divinci: The coolest egg shell carvings evar. (Youtube)
- Dumbass Weatherman Locks himself in a van right before live feed. (Eyeblast.tv)
- Pat Sajak givin’ it to Vanna White. (Youtube)
- Grandmother + Rollercoaster = Good times. (Youtube)
- Barney Rubble slips one past the censors. (Youtube)
Today’s Entertainment/Celeb News/Gossip
- Michael Jackson has meeting with New Kids on the Block. Was later sad to find out that they aren’t kids anymore. (Celebitchy)
- Jonas Brothers = Terrorists. (Shawarmamayor.blogspot.com)
- Pamela Anderson says Jessica Simpson is a bitch and a whore. In related news, the pot called the kettle black. (Deceiver)
- Victoria Beckham complains that she hates the attention she gets. In other news, Viictoria Beckham gets attention. (Metro)
- Now Victoria Beckham is claiming that she’s “Ordinary.” (Mail on Sunday)
Today’s Cool Sites
- Bunny Suicides (Retro Computing)
- A petition to get “Ernest the Pirate” released on DVD (Jim Varney’s last movie) (Petition Online)
- Hot Chicks with Douchebags (Hot Chicks with Douchebags)
- Forvo… Its a site with words pronounced in almost every language from native speaking people. Great for learning new languages. You can even help out by lending your voice to the words. (Forvo)
- Fat Chicks in Party Hats (Fat Chicks in Party Hats)
Today’s 20: 7.15.08
Today’s Odd News Stories
- Hot Pockets’ Lean Pockets recalled due to bits of plastic in them. Somewhere Jim Gaffigan is writing a new joke. (Kentucky.com)
- Japanese guy qualifies for his second olympics, his first since 1964. (Google.com)
- 5 year old boy with waist-length long hair? That’s school hate bait. (Chron)
- I know that I personally feel like a traitor if I wave an American Flag that was made in China. (ABC News)
- Wait.. you mean Fruit Roll-ups don’t actually count as fruit? (Reuters)
Today’s Blogs
- Ugly Overload (Uglyoverload.blogspot.com)
- “Why I Love Batman” Sounds likes somebody’s got a bat-on for Bruce Wayne. (Seattle PI)
- Urinal advertising looks oddly fun. (YepYep)
- Asylum Salutes Cringe Worthy Porn Spoofs. (Classics like Forest Hump, Edward Penishands.) (Asylum)
- Want to make sure no girl ever talks to you again? Try one of these tattoos (Web Upon)
Today’s Cool Free Software
- Find out what that Keith Richards-old computer of yours is capable of handling with HeavyLoad (Download Squad)
- Graphita, a non-complicated online image editor. (Graphita)
- Turn your desktop into a 360 degree rotating virtual desktop with 360Desktop. (360Desktop)
- KidZui, another kid-friendly webbernet browser. There’s a free and a subscription version. (Kidsui)
- Floorplanner, a web based, well, floor planner. (Download Squad)
Today’s Movie News
- Gee… I don’t see how Michael Bay’s script for The Dark Knight didn’t get used. (Defamer)
- Darren Aronofsky to direct Robocop remake? (Joblo)
- The Governator says/yells/mumbles to Hollywood “films shouldn’t erase smoking.” Afterall, tobacco is a leaf, it isn’t a drug. It’s also not a tumor. (Fox News)
- Sex and the City’s sequel already in the works. Sarah Jessica Parker stomps her hoof in glee. (The Movie Blog)
- HBO trying to get a movie made for one of their greatest shows ever. That’s right, we might get a movie for The Sopra. Don’t Stop Believin’! (Cinematical)
Today’s 20: 7.14.08
Today’s Odd News Stories
- Braces: Not only good for ensuring you’ll keep your virginity for a long time, but great at stopping bullets. (M Live)
- Kris Draper of the Detroit Red Wings drinks out of the Stanley Cup, and lets his oldest kids eat ice cream out of it. Not sure if that was before or after his youngest child pooped in it. (The Star)
- Mayor of Jackson, Mississississississississississippi has kids demolish a crack house with sledgehammers, whoops, wrong house. (New York Times)
- Apparently sports team names aren’t racist after 76 years. (ESPN)
- North Korea to South Korea: “Hey, South Korea, we just killed one of your citizens, we demand an apology!” (MSNBC)
Today’s Entertainment/Celeb News/Gossip
- Pamela Anderson vows not to strip while on Australia’s Big Brother television show. *Changes Channel* (Daily Mail)
- Matthew McCanahee… McCannyhay… McClosetgay… That shirtless guy gets $3 million for pictures of his and his woman’s crotchfruit. (New York Post)
- Joe Montana’s son vs Wayne Gretzky’s son for quarterbacking duties at Oaks Christian school. I’m more considered about where Wayne Gretzky’s daughter might be going. (Ventura County Star)
- Jamie Lynn Spears says being a mother is “so much fun.” Other things Jamie Lynn Spears thinks are so much fun: Cheetos, budweiser, Judge Judy. (Reuters)
- John Mayer sleeps with his fans. Talk about alienating your audience. (Ninja Dude)
Today’s Lists
- 7 Movies Based on a True Story (That Are Complete Bullshit) (Cracked)
- 5 Best Instant Messengers. (Life Hacker)
- 8 Live Action Superheroes You Couldn’t Take Seriously. (Next Round)
- 10 Modern Day Survival Tips (Life Hacker)
- 10 Common Sense Money Saving Tips For Movie Fans. (The Movie Blog)
Today’s Dumbasses
- Moron sends pot via FedEx, gets the wrong address. (MyFoxDC.com)
- This guy gets 6 Million spam emails a year, and loves it. (The Sun)
- Guy calls 911 multiple times for stupid reasons, demands a police officer is sent his way and won’t stop calling until it happens. Gets his wish. (TBO)
- There’s the cliche that women can’t drive, then theres the cliche that 91-year old women get stuck under cars too much. (MSNBC)
- So… 15 teens walk into a dorm elevator with a 1200 pound weight limit. The punchline? All of it? (M Live)
Sh!tlist: She looked like a girl straight out of a movie, and so did he.
Its official, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the votes are in and Ashlee “I’m only famous because of my sister” Simpson and Pete “I’m only famous because I married Jessica’s sister” Wentz are married.
*Throws rice and watches birds eat it and explode soon after*
Ashlee Simpson, of course, is the younger, emoer sister of Jessica Simpson who’s claim to fame is proving she’s a good role model by getting a nose job (well… to be fair, she really needed a nose job) and sleeping with Wilmer Valderama (Yes, Fez from That 70’s Show had his thingy in her thingy). And one of her first Simpson-moments was at her sister’s wedding when she blurted out “me and Jessica used to take baths together and now she and Nick are gonna take baths together.” Stay classy Simpson family, stay classy.
Pete Wentz is famous for… well… he’s in Fall Out Boy, so I guess he is only famous to 14 & 15 year old girls. Oh, and as a sign of his gratitude, he repayed those 14 & 15 year olds girls by posting cell phone pics of him playing with his Fall Out Boy on the interwebs.
Do you realize the kids this couple is gonna produce? Freakishly emo kids. Their first son is gonna be born with guy-liner on and their first daughter is gonna be born with scars on her wrist. And then George Bush is gonna have to raise the national security warning level from “green” to “Pink is the new black is the new red.” But at least the whole family can cry together aft the births. And cry on the way home. Probably cry at Taco Bell later that night. In fact Ashlee and Pete will probably cry while they are making their babies.
And whats with this pic?
Seriously? Were the Wentz-Simpsons sitting at home and said “Ya know what our wedding needs? A bulldog!”
But its good that the bulldog was there. It was probably the prettiest girl (next to Pete Wentz) there.
Come to think of it. Who was the last Simpson to marry someone from a band? That ended well right?
