Great Eight XXXI: Eight Movies Paul Walker Will Make In His “Career”

If you were ever unfortunate enough to watch 2 Fast 2 Furious you’ll easily understand that Paul Walker’s method of acting is very simple, he doesn’t act, or he can’t, one or the other. He says bro or brah or breh a lot. Which he does in real life, bro. That scene where he and Tyrese were writhing around on top of each other in the dirt, Paul Walker calls that Thursday. The fact that he always seems to have that dumb founded look on his face. Not acting. His brain isn’t powerful enough to turn is head and control any of his 3 facial emotions at the same time. Not to mention, one of his first “acting” jobs was on a TV show called “Throb.” If thats not a gay porn title, I dunno what is. Anyway… it’s the Great Eight, Brah.

1. The Fast and The Furious XII: Glendale Drift ~ Going back to his home town that spawned such stand out celebrities like Captain Beefheart, The Good Charlotte brothers, and….. I’m sure there were others, or not. Paul Walker will venture to his childhood home where he’ll spot the big wheel he used to ride as a kid. A flickering candle will go off in his head and he’ll get the idea of putting nos in it and… well the movie ends with Vin Diesel wrecking his big wheel, Tyrese Gibson and Paul Walker having a scratching contest on the ground with no pants on and Michelle Rodriguez still being more butch than the three of them combined.
2. Bros of Our Fathers ~ Also known as “Uncles” this film showcases what happened after the Battle of Iwo Jima. Paul Walker’s character and his uncle have a long chat about what happened that faithful day when they went camping together, and when his uncle styled Paul’s hair like Paul was in a boy band and how Paul never changed the hairstyle. After some knee rubbing and a gentle caress of his cheek it won’t be an American flag that his uncle will be raising. If ya know what I mean *wink* (I of course am talking about raising a stick to roast marshmallows with for smores. I don’t know what you’re thinking.)
3. Bro, Where’s My Car? ~ After Seann William Scott decides he’s too good to be in a sequel, Paul Walker will take over his role. This will lead to great dialog between Walker and Ashton Kutcher. Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Breh!” Kutcher: “Dude!” Walker: “Bro!” Kutcher: “Dude! What does mine say?” Walker: “Brah! What does mine say, bro?” Kutcher: “Dude!” And then they’ll look for Paul Walker’s car which they can’t seem to find. Pssst, hey, Paul, you gave it to Vin Diesel, remember?
4. Varsity Brahs ~ This movie is the sequel to “Varsity Blues.” The gang is now in college, all in the same frat, Alpha Brho Bromega. They decide to start their very own football league within their Frat. They have just enough members to form one team, they win every game by forfeit due to the opposing team not showing up. The after every game Paul Walker and James Van Der Beek celebrate when James gives Paul a little bit of his Van Der Beek, if ya know what I’m sayin’. (Again I’m talking about smores.)
5. Into The Bro ~ In this movie, Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, and Paul Walker’s conjoined twin Scott Caan swim to the bottom of the ocean (Walker’s a good swimmer considering Scott Caan is attached to his head (and penis (In fact, Scott Caan may be his penis))). At the bottom of the ocean they find the sunken ship of Pirate Warlord Cap’n Rootbeer. In it is a chest of gold, worth millions. Then a shark comes along and eats everyone. Maybe they should rewrite the script.
6. Eight Below 2: Electric Bro-galoo ~ Long story short: Paul Walker, 8 dogs, cold dance floor, some blow, an a lotta love making, know what I mean? (Smores)
7. In This Movie I Go Back In Time In A Tricked Out Import With A Bunch Of Dogs, Bro ~ It’s pretty self explanatory. Buuuuuut… Its directed by M. Night Shaaa… M. Night Shizzlelizzle… M. Night Samwisegamgee… um… M. Night Shouldacouldawoulda… M. Ni.. Its by the guy who did Signs… so expect a twist at the end.
8. The Fast and the Furious LXXIX: The Modded Rascal Scooter Race of Death ~ By this time Vin Diesel, Tyrese, and Paul Walker will be old bros in a retirement home, bro. Paul Walker will be like “Bro, we should race our scooters, Breh” Vin Diesel will respond with “Huh?” and Tyrese will die. Well, Tyrese died a while ago but the care workers haven’t noticed. Instead of betting ‘Pinks’ they bet their hourly doses of pepto bismol, which happen to be pink. They drift around Jebidiah and Corneilius playing checkers (they don’t remember how to play) then they both nearly lose control as they run over Michelle Rodriguez’s saggy man-boobs, Paul Walker dies (last words: “Bro”) and Vin Diesel wreck his scooter and breaks both hips. The End.